Last Night I Fell Asleep On My Balcony

Last night I fell asleep on my balcony. When we moved from Orange County to the Temecula Valley a few months ago, I didn't know one of extra perks would be a sky full of amazing stars every night. This was only something I was used to seeing when I went camping, since Orange County has more lights to block the stars. At our new house, we live on the edge of the developed land near a lake where they aren't many houses, which is ideal for star viewing.

Going out at night to see the stars has become one of my favorite ways to unwind every night. Unwinding is essential with willful and loud children that make me want to scream at least once a day. One of my favorite things to do is count how many airplanes I can see up there and track them till they move out of sight. It's very relaxing and sort of meditative, taking my mind off of any of my cares or stresses and just focusing on watching blinking lights that fade into the distance.

I'll tell you though, with as many I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out-while-yelling parenting moments comes at least as many if not more moments that I want to smother my kids with kisses and hugs because they are so precious. That's the dichotomy of parenting and that was what was going through my head last night as I was trying to unwind. The day was going through my mind likes reels of a tape and thoughts and feelings were flowing through my mind: "I love my kids so much it hurts." "I really need a few nights away from these kids." "I feel guilty that I lost my temper." "These kids are driving me crazy!"

Watching planes fly away really helped me relax. So much that I slept out there for about three hours until my husband woke me up with a hungry and fussing infant. It didn't hurt that I had brought out an extremely comfortable down comforter, cushy pillow, and I was warm wearing a soft rabbit coat (don't judge! :).

Sometimes during the day I wish I could escape to my balcony and look up at the sky. Right about now actually. No, I can't tell you where Dad's iPad is and even if I knew you couldn't have it. On repeat.